Process of reviewing and updating job descriptions
Note that we claim no authorship, ownership, nor copyrights on these jokes; rather, we are just informally passing them along to you as we normally would do "at the watercooler".
One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead."Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now? " "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel? - Will you kindly tell your secretary that there is only one "t" in dirty and no "c" in skunk? So he and his wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. "Because they have the point at the wrong end," he replied." A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time." Dentist: "There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game." He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around the edges, but he was recently converted and now on fire for the Lord. A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot. Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba. "You fool, we could use those on the other side of the house!The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor.Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water? " During World War II, an British pilot on flight duty with the Air Force in Europe was shot down and captured by the Germans.
After a year as prisoner of war, he escaped and made his way back to his bomber group in England.
The pastor said, "What I want you to do is get these people back to church, however you can. I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin.
You can use church stationery if you want, but get these people back to church." Three weeks later the pastor got an envelope in the mail from a prominent doctor whose name had been on the list, along with a check for $1,000 and a note that read, "Dear Pastor, Please excuse my inactivity at church. Accept this check as a partial contribution for all the Sundays I've missed, and be assured I will never, by choice, miss worship again. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a baby!
Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?
It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary. " Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. " Inventor: "I've just invented something that everyone in the world will want!
The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?