Problems dating younger boyfriend
In other areas of life, we gesture toward valuing things beyond the superficial. Some older men have this secret other option, whereby they get to opt out of the system: When they acquire enough money or power, they can basically trade that capital for the thing women have that’s valued by society: youth and beauty.
Still, more often than not, these pairings feel icky because they are icky: The parties aren’t on equal footing; different experiences and life stages are inevitably going to make it harder to relate. You use it as a reason to blow them off, pare back your options, and fuel embittered stories about how It’s So Hard to Meet Good Men. One of my most popular posts to date is 7 Reasons Why You Should Want to Date an Older Woman. ” followed by a high five, which is kind of odd when you think about it. As I approached my mid 30s, I wondered if this meant I was now a bona fide cougar. The term conjures an image of a hungry, embattled woman with heavily coiffed hair, mummified in makeup, squeezed into a bedazzled top and looking to “score” a young man. The problem is, you think that person has to be older than you. Just as chronological age doesn’t always “cure” one of immaturity, a man can be all of these things and still be 24, 28, 30 (depending on what you consider young). You’ve told yourself you don’t really want a younger man. Regardless of how sexually permissive and progressive we think we are, there’s still a bit of eyebrow raising when a woman dates younger. And when I tell people that (if they ask or if it comes up), I either get a lilting “Reaalllly” or a “You go girl!Meanwhile, women also watch their romantic options shrink as they age—a similar amount of money or power on their part usually doesn’t bring all the boys to the yard in quite the same way.A caveat is necessary: You can’t help who you love.You don’t need to make like Stifler’s mom and prey on young 18-year-old boys. What you need to do is embrace the incredible sexual power you possess—and stop making excuses for why you can’t. If there’s one complaint I hear from younger men—and the reason they’re interested in older women, is that they’re a little tired of the same old scene and games.
They’re very into the idea of spending time with a woman who brings a little more to the table—a whole world of experience and interests outside of his own. He’s smarter than you think and would welcome a grown-up conversation, not to mention a mature relationship.
Here are the reasons you wave off the idea of dating young: (aimless, noncommittal, out just for sex). But it didn’t seem to fit my reasons for dating younger, nor is it an accurate or flattering explanation of why younger men are worth dating.
But that’s not a power position, and it does you no favors. Beware of wielding stereotypes; they’re cheap shortcuts masquerading as wisdom, and if you use them, prepare to be judged by them. You would only applaud someone if she succeeded in doing something impossible or crazy, or if she got away with something she shouldn’t have. The cougar image is cartoonish at best, derived either from a culture fearful of a sexually empowered woman, or from the woman herself, who claims cougardom as a way to boost her self esteem via sex with a man many years her junior.
Each example disgusts me anew in a way that’s probably not entirely defensible: I think I might be angrier about these couples than I am about a good many important political issues.
I know, I know: Why care that two consenting adults are canoodling when a demagogue is about to take the White House?
Every day, there seems to be another outrageous new celebrity coupling announced via pictures of some May-December frolicking: Jennifer Lawrence sharing a lollipop with Darren Aronofsky; Sean Penn dating Vincent D’Onofrio’s daughter; Mel Gibson having his ninth child with his 26-year-old girlfriend; Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen double-dating with their 47-year-old and 58-year-old respective beaus; Leonardo Di Caprio’s sending another lady-love packing upon her reaching the ripe old age of 25.