Invalidating someones experience
In closing may I just say that if it doesn't feel right, it isn't right.You may not be able to realisitically do anything about your relationships and situations at this time.
Today I am speaking of the silent abuse: INVALIDATION. Women who are under this colorless veil of silent abuse will often awaken in the morning depressed. If they ask everyone in the room what they would like to drink but they don't ask you, that is invalidation.Jolin, one of the little girls yelled "Wendy, what will you do now? The way you described and defined invalidation made things and your experience more clearer to me. But now i realize how serious silent abuse is, especially to women." I was SO moved that she cared so much about me that she wanted to have a visual of what I would be doing. I do not believe I ever had any of my children ask me that question. I am sure you will agree with me that other than feeling you are the wrong one....facing this kind of abuse will also have her self esteem totally destroyed, the person feels helpless and hopeless, the person also ends up with self pity, and if the abuse is repeated over and over again, the abused despairs.......feels nothing is good with her, what she says or does and unfortunately the person turns the hate against herself or himself.i can imagine how it must have felt when your own children especially daughter either consciously or unconsciously invalidated you.....must have been tough when you realized that.But the first step is awareness of the problem and how it pertains to you, then comes research and then ever so slowly comes the change to self-esteem by our responses. Yesterday I was at a small fundraiser where 4 Chinese little 7 year old girls were selling lemonade/soda/drinks to raise money for my street orphans in Zambia.When it was over and we had had our hugs and said our goodbyes, I started to walk away. Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together), And remember to say over and over: I AM WORTHY Wendy Stebbins Wow, Wendy, you are my hero today! Listening to you sounded like you were there sharing this with me.If you are excited about something, and they say "Yes., but" or "You're crazy" or "You are always so emotional and out of control", that may be invalidation.
Of course, nobody's perfect and on occasion people will make mistakes or be impolite. And I am not talking about the person who is overly sensitive.
You don't realize the person is this way when you marry them.
This changes when you become aware and learn the lesson. And if you meet a respectful person who wants to date you but he does not do invalidation you may find him boring or "not for you" because your idea of " normal" is a little abnormal.
So, I am not talking about cultures where the opposite is the custom.
My husband and children always walked in front of me. My 2 and 4 year old girls were holding their father's hand and, of course, I was behind them, VERY pregnant. My husband and two children were on the other side of the street by now.
In this busy world today most of us don't have time to be overly sensitive and we don't TAKE the time to feel how we feel around a person, place or thing.